The future is hard.
It is messy and unpredictable and scary. It is at the edge of our thoughts and not there at all. I haven't done a very good job of confronting the future. It's kind of like when you were a kid and you asked an adult to tell you a story and at some point you get to the part where they say, "And it was the hairy, scary monster." It didn't fool us as kids, but I'm not so sure now.
I admit it, I'm afraid of the future. Or I'm afraid to think about the future, at least the parts I don't want to deal with yet. Like the fact that the place I've called home the last four years won't be "home" anymore or the scary reality that I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. That's a lot of pressure to put on a 20-something, society. I know it's not forever, but sometimes it feels that way.
To graduate from Truman, you have to complete a senior portfolio (which I finished about two weeks before the deadline; TTS I know, but if it's any consolation that's about the only thing I've finished early all semester) and you have to submit papers and fill out prompts, but the one thing I truly enjoyed about this process was writing Truman a letter (it was required) of my experience being a Bulldog. There are not enough words to describe the transformation I underwent at Truman, and I won't bore you now with those details, and it was really good, but also hard, thinking about everything that affected me, good or bad, these last four years.
I graduate in 33 days (I never thought this day would come. I always thought I would be stuck in Kirksville forever, like I thought I would be stuck in high school forever...do you see a pattern here? Time creeps up on you! Just when you least expect it.)
In 71 days, I'll be in Portland, ME at orientation for Bike and Build. And I'm stoked. While the future is big and hairy, it is also forgiving and enthralling. To spend my summer volunteering and spreading the word about affordable housing, I wouldn't want to spend my time any other way. With 32 other adventurous and interesting people, nonetheless! But too, today was a huge wake-up call. The magnitude that I'll be biking across the country hit me. ACROSS. THE. COUNTRY. Yeah, I'll let you soak that in with me.
Maybe B&B is me pushing off the reality that I need to figure my stuff out. Maybe it's me denying the fact that I'm like Eeyore and the future, for right now, is my own personal rain cloud (although I don't see the future as a downer all the time; I really am excited to graduate and be independent and do anything I want to!) I know I need to pull out my umbrella to fend off the rain, but I can't help but choose to the see the beauty that comes from letting the drops hit my face and fill my shoes.
It is messy and unpredictable and scary. It is at the edge of our thoughts and not there at all. I haven't done a very good job of confronting the future. It's kind of like when you were a kid and you asked an adult to tell you a story and at some point you get to the part where they say, "And it was the hairy, scary monster." It didn't fool us as kids, but I'm not so sure now.
I admit it, I'm afraid of the future. Or I'm afraid to think about the future, at least the parts I don't want to deal with yet. Like the fact that the place I've called home the last four years won't be "home" anymore or the scary reality that I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life. That's a lot of pressure to put on a 20-something, society. I know it's not forever, but sometimes it feels that way.
To graduate from Truman, you have to complete a senior portfolio (which I finished about two weeks before the deadline; TTS I know, but if it's any consolation that's about the only thing I've finished early all semester) and you have to submit papers and fill out prompts, but the one thing I truly enjoyed about this process was writing Truman a letter (it was required) of my experience being a Bulldog. There are not enough words to describe the transformation I underwent at Truman, and I won't bore you now with those details, and it was really good, but also hard, thinking about everything that affected me, good or bad, these last four years.
I graduate in 33 days (I never thought this day would come. I always thought I would be stuck in Kirksville forever, like I thought I would be stuck in high school forever...do you see a pattern here? Time creeps up on you! Just when you least expect it.)
In 71 days, I'll be in Portland, ME at orientation for Bike and Build. And I'm stoked. While the future is big and hairy, it is also forgiving and enthralling. To spend my summer volunteering and spreading the word about affordable housing, I wouldn't want to spend my time any other way. With 32 other adventurous and interesting people, nonetheless! But too, today was a huge wake-up call. The magnitude that I'll be biking across the country hit me. ACROSS. THE. COUNTRY. Yeah, I'll let you soak that in with me.
Maybe B&B is me pushing off the reality that I need to figure my stuff out. Maybe it's me denying the fact that I'm like Eeyore and the future, for right now, is my own personal rain cloud (although I don't see the future as a downer all the time; I really am excited to graduate and be independent and do anything I want to!) I know I need to pull out my umbrella to fend off the rain, but I can't help but choose to the see the beauty that comes from letting the drops hit my face and fill my shoes.
