If I Had To, I Would Do It Again

At this moment, I wish everything would stop. Do you ever wish that? That things would come to a standstill and you could have time to process all that is happening to you? All the changes within you, all the changes around you, all the changes involving you? I do.

Disclaimer: this is a jumbled mess and probably isn't easily followable. So read on and bear with me; hopefully I got across the big points of what has been on my heart lately. 

I've been in Beirut for a month now and with only two weeks left, and only a month before I'm back home in the States, I am starting to feel every emotion. There is contentment, happiness, joy, loss, grief, reflection, longing, passion, love. Plus much more that I cannot even put into words; they sometimes jumble together, making them incoherent hybrids that make my heart contract and my mind fuzzy. All of this will lead to good in the end. I know it will, I just have to sort through all that has been going on inside me lately, which is not necessarily an easy task, ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you. But you probably know that as well.

At my internship I am working primarily on the subject of education and technology. Separate and together, and what I find interesting, and it's a wonder why I never fully realized it before, is how fast the world is moving when it comes to using technology. As much as I loved living in Bulgaria, it sometimes felt like I was living 20 years ago, hence my lack of technological know-how (that and I'm not as tech savvy as others). Either way, it's amazing. There are apps for every little thing and iPads are now being used in classrooms and people are discussing how other technological functions are going to be implemented in the near future. And there are debates about what is right for the budget of spending on technology for schools and is using technology in the learning process a helpful, stimulating tool or is it a distracting thing that detracts from their work. Honestly, I don't know. I understand that we are in the time of Facebook and Apple, where everyone has a smartphone and you are out of date if you don't have one. When did the distinction between a cell phone and a smart phone come around? Call me old fashioned but good lord. Yes, we have the entire world at our fingertips, but do we have to use that privilege all the time, 24/7? And yes, I think it's a privilege. After a few months without a cell phone and spotty internet, you come to see it as a privilege. At least I do.

So with my head whirling from all the technology that I am surrounded by all day every day, I can only look back and remember when I was little and cell phones were big blocks of gray and black with super long antennas. I look back to when I played tag outside and I roller bladed around my neighborhood and jumped on the trampoline, seeing who could be the one to go highest. I remember playing in my grandparents' hay barn on The Farm, climbing and making up games with my brother and cousin. And as time kept ticking, it brought me to volleyball tournaments with crazy warm-up routines (you would think we were a pretty strange bunch if you saw us, but hey, it was a special thing between us). It brought me to driving and trying (and failing miserably) to parallel park. It brought me wonderful friends who I still learn from. And then time wore on, and took me by the hand and gave me college and beautiful friends who have touched my life in unimaginable ways. It lead me to my faith. It led me to study abroad.

Which gets me back to my original thought a long paragraph later. Sorry. I love technology. I do. I see all the benefits and the good advancements that are happening because of what it can do. I wouldn't be blogging and publishing my thoughts if there wasn't the Internet or Macbooks (I am an Apple person- commence the PC v. Macbook debate). I wouldn't have been able to share my photos of all my adventures this past year if there wasn't Facebook. I appreciate what technology can give to society, but I also see what it takes away from society. Little kids are more interested in playing racing car games than climbing trees and playing on their iPods instead of getting their knees dirty. It was great living without a cell phone in Blagoevgrad. It was freeing. But when I go home I'll be surrounded by people only on their smart phones. I won't be joining you friends. Where is the human contact? Where is the face to face conversations?

I want everything to stop. Have you ever seen Clockstopper? It was a pretty awful movie to be honest, but it was about this guy who had a watch who could stop time and rearrange situations. Now I don't wish to rearrange situations, but I do wish I could stop time, to have more time with the amazing friends I made in the Bulgs, to have more time to spend with my family here in the Lebs, and to have the ability- the freeness- to travel more and elongate my time abroad. I want to keep going to Piano Bar and eating banitsa, I want more conversations to get to know people better. I want to spend time with people I didn't spend near enough time with while in Blago.

My cousins' school had a festival called Vintage and I went with their cousin Soha. And she was so nice and accommodating and she let me hang out with her and her friends for the night. And as I was meeting these sweet girls, it reminded me of my friends and the great times we had together and for the night, I became an honorary alpha (they call themselves the alphas, which I love). It was a small gesture, but it was one that touched my heart. It's these little moments that I wish I could stop time in, the three hour conversations with my aunt, sitting outside on a blanket having a picnic outside Skapto 2 with people dropping by as they pass to the Balkanski Center. It's about how the little moments are strung together to make the bigger impact. That's all that really matters in the end. At least to me.

You know you LOVE Bulgaria when…

1.     you will miss Skappy’s ham and cheese toast.

2.     Blago knows you are leaving so he gives you a going away gift of spotty internet. I think he's really trying to get me outside to spend time with my people. 

3.     you will not miss seeing men coming out of the woodwork in track suits when the weather turns nice.  

4.     you go somewhere else and you say da for yes, despite being fully aware that that isn’t the way they say yes.

5.     you read signs in English and you start to see Cyrillic instead. H=N. P=R. Oh now I’m confused.

6.     you miss seeing stray dogs. Where did Horny go?! I can't find Jumper! I miss them!

7.     you go out to dinner and you don’t get your food at scattered times. What do you mean I don’t have to wait an hour after my companions are done eating to get my food? And, you can hear the person you are talking to. Hold on, I don’t have to shout anymore?

8.     you will miss getting banitsa at 3:30 am after a long night of partying at Underground or Piano Bar.

9.     you can actually watch tv without it being dubbed.

10.  the first thing you mention about missing the Bulgs is how cheap it was. A 2L Shumesko for 2,69 leva, yep, that’s real.

11. you can sit outside for 8 hours on a blanket with friends, having nap time and a picnic, only for it to become a party with cake and alcohol. It’s the good life.

I will miss you Blago, your beautifully luscious, green trees, your sunny afternoons, the sound of the rushing river as I walk back to the Skaptos, your Raffy’s ice cream stands, chocolate soufflé, kebabs and banitsa, Macarios futbol matches, Shumensko and Zagorka, Lollita, Underground, Piano Bar. I will miss you Blago, for you were the perfect place to spend four months getting to know crazy amazing people (I mean we all had to be a little crazy to come to Bulgaria in the first place), for teaching me about myself and my strengths and weaknesses, for showing me what the world is really like (at least some of it anyway) and for getting me out of my American bubble. Thank you Blago, for being nicknamed Blago. Thank you for being awesome.

Bulgaria, you captured my heart and gave me the semester of my life. You are a beautiful treasure the world holds and it is a pity more people don’t see the real you. Thank you for your lovely mountains and your cheapness and your nightlife and for AUBG and for bringing me new and fantastic friends that have forever touched my heart and made it light. To all who I spent the semester with, thank you for the good times, the great memories, and love I felt when I was with you. I wish you all the best of luck on your next adventures and remember, ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE! Remember the times we had and smile because they couldn’t have gotten any better! Nasdrave, my friends to one hell of a semester. We did it right.

(Not so) Finally Finals

It's finals week. The week we all dread yet all love because it's the means to the end. After 15 weeks of classes, it all comes down to the last test, paper, or project to be completed before you are free for the glories of summer.  The weather is a siren, tempting you away from books and laptops to blankets on the grass and ice cream strolls. Instead though, you look out the window, hating yourself for studying instead of enjoying the goodness that Mother Nature has finally graced you with.  But this finals week is a little different, more bittersweet than the ones I've experienced in the past. It's my last week as an exchange student. And it's my last week with these people.

It makes me sad and if my friends knew I was writing this they would not be happy with me. We all live in denial at the moment, ignoring the fact that by the end of the week we will have to say see-you-laters (goodbyes have such a finality to them) and give last hugs before departing our separate ways. It looms above us, threatening to rain on our parade and yet, we have pulled out our umbrellas and wait for the downpour that will eventually, or very shortly, ensue. But I like rain. And I like playing in the rain and watching its beauty as the drops hit and make everything sparkly. There's a refreshing sense to the feeling of rain. 

So this is how I choose to look on this last week here in Blago (I decided this as I was writing this sentence).  We are going to give these last three days hell as we celebrate and enjoy our last days together. And as we part ways on Saturday I will look back, probably with glassy eyes and tear streaked cheeks, at all the things I learned and experienced and saw. But most of all, I will remember the fantastic times I spent with some really amazing friends (who I will love forever) and I will smile, because I am better for knowing them and blessed to have had them as companions through this journey here in Bulgaria. 

And the countdown continues... 

(more sap to come later)

What a Sucker

this is the second vacuum I had to use

This is the enemy.  Not the dust covered, ragged to the bone, dirt strewn floor I was trying to vacuum.  I know what you're thinking: Kelsey, it's a vacuum, they all work the same; you turn the button on and move it back and forth watching as the floor magically turns from a gross dull color to a vibrant one. Well, I thought so too. Just another cultural difference I guess, that the vacuums work differently than at home. And they are chunkier, but that is besides the point. 

This little devil, though not really little, is just difficult to use. In theory it is quite easy, like it should be, and yet I had immense trouble with it. Of course. I checked out the first vacuum and started her up only to be serenaded by a whining that only meant she was full or choking on something else she had consumed earlier today. After getting through half the floor I couldn't take it anymore, along with picking out hairballs from her mouth, so I went to get the other vacuum Skapto II had to offer. The bottom was broken. So I turn it on and it sounded like a nice purr compared to Vacuum one. 

I start and the floor attachment falls off; I finish the floor with only the metal pipe, which in the end worked better because I didn't have to wait for this one to swallow. Teo, my roommate, was on her bed and all she could really do was laugh because I was struggling. At one point, I was wrestling with the vacuum to get a Billa grocery bag from its clutches. I won, but not without embarrassment of fighting an inanimate object. I did get the floor squeaky clean, or as clean as it could have possibly gotten, and turned the little bugger in. In doing a nice thing for my room, it turned into way more than it should have been. I guess we know we are spoiled in America when you can't even use someone else's vacuum to get the floor clean. Oh the "problems" of being abroad. How lucky can you be? 

Lent and the Crushin' Russian

Milka. Kinder. Mypa (pronounced Moora). Lion. KitKat. Nutella. 

What do all these have in common?

Let me help you even though I'm sure you know at least one or two of these, if not from the picture. They are all yummy, deliciously smooth, and tasty chocolate (I was in no way trying to undermine your chocolate or even sweets intelligence. I know too much myself so no judgment here...). And what do you think I go and do.

Give it up for Lent. WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!! 

I don't really know either but I did and I'm committed because today is day one. So here's to day one of Lent and to all the things that you have given up in hopes of making your life a little better or to have more time with God. Props to you because this is going to be a long 40 days. Why anyone would give up chocolate while they are in Europe is beyond me, but I'm just crazy enough to do it. 

So in hopes of turning myself around for spring and bathing suit weather, I went to Pilates tonight. But I'm not sure it could be considered Pilates with that music (it was very entertaining; I was practically laughing the whole time which probably didn't help me any) and the four different exercises wrapped into one class. And the instructor was Russian. That was just the cherry on top. From cardio-kickboxing to dancing to some serious abs while listening to Enrique, it was definitely a good workout. No complaints here. She counted in Russian and was silent but deadly; she didn't talk much, but man does she work you hard. And some of those moves I've never done before and I will never do outside of that aerobics studio. But maybe it's because of the music it was paired with. Some awkward moments, if you know what I mean.

Afterward I did homework with friends and we met on the third (American) floor and all was fine and dandy, but then I had to go back downstairs. I was top heavy, and not just because I was graced by being that way to begin with. My backpack was super heavy and with my legs being sore already I was scared of toppling down the stairs. Needless to say, I need to work out more and I need to gain a better tolerance if I'm going to commit to the Crushin' Russian.

(1) You know you're in Bulgaria when...

 ...you don't seem to know how to open a door correctly. Push or pull, that is the question. 

 ...you go anywhere and order a coffee thinking you'll get a grande size and instead, receive a shot of espresso. 

...it snows 6-7 inches and the next day you still see girls wearing five inch high heels climbing through the mountains of snow or hobbling on sheets of ice. 

 ...you walk on the sidewalk only to be stopped by a car parked there. 

 
...banitsa is craved and tastes delicious any time of the day, especially after a really wild night of partying/ drinking (this is similar to the taco bell/Mexican runs made back in the States). 

 ...there is no Mexican or Chinese/Thai food to be found. Devastating I tell you, devastating! 

 ...food and hot drinks are served lukewarm. This is EVERYWHERE. Could be considered nice because then you can just dig in, but occasionally you just want that searing cup of coffee that burns your tongue, you know? 

 
 ...Tuesday nights are one of the big going out nights of the week (piano bar =drunk karaoke; awesomeness to its fullest.). Thirsty Thursday, I think not my friends. 

 ...you can go to a dinner with the US Consul from Sofia and it be completely "normal", especially when it's held in the cafe in the dormitory. 

 ...you walk to class and see the mountains or think about last night or what you plan to do for the next three remaining months of being here and think, "Dude, I'm in Bulgaria."