(2) You know you're in Beirut when...

1. While you're stuck in traffic you notice that there is every kind of car- Kia, Toyota, Honda, Mazda, Suzuki, Nissan, Citroen, Renault- but the most popular seem to be the big hitters- Land Rovers, BMWs, Jaguar, and Mercedes Benz. It's just different when children live at home through their twenties- they have more money to spend on the luxurious things in life!

2. Though you do see women wearing ridiculously high heels, although not the Blago five inchers I was used to, the popular shoes are Birkinstocks and Converse. Riddle me that.

3.You see posters and billboards everywhere advertising fashion, food, and old political leaders. 

4. When everyone I meet asks, "Where have you been? Have you been to the beach yet?" 

5. You can travel the whole country in a matter of hours. Border to border, it is so close and there is everything. Sea and mountains. Valleys and caves. Forests and a big city. It's gorgeous. 

6. When something happens that would shock the world, like most of what is happening in the Middle East right now, and they ask, for kids, "So there is school tomorrow?" and for adults, "What do you want for lunch?" (during the week)

7. You go to a "pub" and it is a mix between a pub (the talking atmosphere), a club (the music), and an outdoor bar (the tables).

8. You can see a mosque and a Catholic church right next to each other. It is a beautiful dichotomy. 

If I Had To, I Would Do It Again

At this moment, I wish everything would stop. Do you ever wish that? That things would come to a standstill and you could have time to process all that is happening to you? All the changes within you, all the changes around you, all the changes involving you? I do.

Disclaimer: this is a jumbled mess and probably isn't easily followable. So read on and bear with me; hopefully I got across the big points of what has been on my heart lately. 

I've been in Beirut for a month now and with only two weeks left, and only a month before I'm back home in the States, I am starting to feel every emotion. There is contentment, happiness, joy, loss, grief, reflection, longing, passion, love. Plus much more that I cannot even put into words; they sometimes jumble together, making them incoherent hybrids that make my heart contract and my mind fuzzy. All of this will lead to good in the end. I know it will, I just have to sort through all that has been going on inside me lately, which is not necessarily an easy task, ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you. But you probably know that as well.

At my internship I am working primarily on the subject of education and technology. Separate and together, and what I find interesting, and it's a wonder why I never fully realized it before, is how fast the world is moving when it comes to using technology. As much as I loved living in Bulgaria, it sometimes felt like I was living 20 years ago, hence my lack of technological know-how (that and I'm not as tech savvy as others). Either way, it's amazing. There are apps for every little thing and iPads are now being used in classrooms and people are discussing how other technological functions are going to be implemented in the near future. And there are debates about what is right for the budget of spending on technology for schools and is using technology in the learning process a helpful, stimulating tool or is it a distracting thing that detracts from their work. Honestly, I don't know. I understand that we are in the time of Facebook and Apple, where everyone has a smartphone and you are out of date if you don't have one. When did the distinction between a cell phone and a smart phone come around? Call me old fashioned but good lord. Yes, we have the entire world at our fingertips, but do we have to use that privilege all the time, 24/7? And yes, I think it's a privilege. After a few months without a cell phone and spotty internet, you come to see it as a privilege. At least I do.

So with my head whirling from all the technology that I am surrounded by all day every day, I can only look back and remember when I was little and cell phones were big blocks of gray and black with super long antennas. I look back to when I played tag outside and I roller bladed around my neighborhood and jumped on the trampoline, seeing who could be the one to go highest. I remember playing in my grandparents' hay barn on The Farm, climbing and making up games with my brother and cousin. And as time kept ticking, it brought me to volleyball tournaments with crazy warm-up routines (you would think we were a pretty strange bunch if you saw us, but hey, it was a special thing between us). It brought me to driving and trying (and failing miserably) to parallel park. It brought me wonderful friends who I still learn from. And then time wore on, and took me by the hand and gave me college and beautiful friends who have touched my life in unimaginable ways. It lead me to my faith. It led me to study abroad.

Which gets me back to my original thought a long paragraph later. Sorry. I love technology. I do. I see all the benefits and the good advancements that are happening because of what it can do. I wouldn't be blogging and publishing my thoughts if there wasn't the Internet or Macbooks (I am an Apple person- commence the PC v. Macbook debate). I wouldn't have been able to share my photos of all my adventures this past year if there wasn't Facebook. I appreciate what technology can give to society, but I also see what it takes away from society. Little kids are more interested in playing racing car games than climbing trees and playing on their iPods instead of getting their knees dirty. It was great living without a cell phone in Blagoevgrad. It was freeing. But when I go home I'll be surrounded by people only on their smart phones. I won't be joining you friends. Where is the human contact? Where is the face to face conversations?

I want everything to stop. Have you ever seen Clockstopper? It was a pretty awful movie to be honest, but it was about this guy who had a watch who could stop time and rearrange situations. Now I don't wish to rearrange situations, but I do wish I could stop time, to have more time with the amazing friends I made in the Bulgs, to have more time to spend with my family here in the Lebs, and to have the ability- the freeness- to travel more and elongate my time abroad. I want to keep going to Piano Bar and eating banitsa, I want more conversations to get to know people better. I want to spend time with people I didn't spend near enough time with while in Blago.

My cousins' school had a festival called Vintage and I went with their cousin Soha. And she was so nice and accommodating and she let me hang out with her and her friends for the night. And as I was meeting these sweet girls, it reminded me of my friends and the great times we had together and for the night, I became an honorary alpha (they call themselves the alphas, which I love). It was a small gesture, but it was one that touched my heart. It's these little moments that I wish I could stop time in, the three hour conversations with my aunt, sitting outside on a blanket having a picnic outside Skapto 2 with people dropping by as they pass to the Balkanski Center. It's about how the little moments are strung together to make the bigger impact. That's all that really matters in the end. At least to me.

You know you LOVE Bulgaria when…

1.     you will miss Skappy’s ham and cheese toast.

2.     Blago knows you are leaving so he gives you a going away gift of spotty internet. I think he's really trying to get me outside to spend time with my people. 

3.     you will not miss seeing men coming out of the woodwork in track suits when the weather turns nice.  

4.     you go somewhere else and you say da for yes, despite being fully aware that that isn’t the way they say yes.

5.     you read signs in English and you start to see Cyrillic instead. H=N. P=R. Oh now I’m confused.

6.     you miss seeing stray dogs. Where did Horny go?! I can't find Jumper! I miss them!

7.     you go out to dinner and you don’t get your food at scattered times. What do you mean I don’t have to wait an hour after my companions are done eating to get my food? And, you can hear the person you are talking to. Hold on, I don’t have to shout anymore?

8.     you will miss getting banitsa at 3:30 am after a long night of partying at Underground or Piano Bar.

9.     you can actually watch tv without it being dubbed.

10.  the first thing you mention about missing the Bulgs is how cheap it was. A 2L Shumesko for 2,69 leva, yep, that’s real.

11. you can sit outside for 8 hours on a blanket with friends, having nap time and a picnic, only for it to become a party with cake and alcohol. It’s the good life.

I will miss you Blago, your beautifully luscious, green trees, your sunny afternoons, the sound of the rushing river as I walk back to the Skaptos, your Raffy’s ice cream stands, chocolate soufflé, kebabs and banitsa, Macarios futbol matches, Shumensko and Zagorka, Lollita, Underground, Piano Bar. I will miss you Blago, for you were the perfect place to spend four months getting to know crazy amazing people (I mean we all had to be a little crazy to come to Bulgaria in the first place), for teaching me about myself and my strengths and weaknesses, for showing me what the world is really like (at least some of it anyway) and for getting me out of my American bubble. Thank you Blago, for being nicknamed Blago. Thank you for being awesome.

Bulgaria, you captured my heart and gave me the semester of my life. You are a beautiful treasure the world holds and it is a pity more people don’t see the real you. Thank you for your lovely mountains and your cheapness and your nightlife and for AUBG and for bringing me new and fantastic friends that have forever touched my heart and made it light. To all who I spent the semester with, thank you for the good times, the great memories, and love I felt when I was with you. I wish you all the best of luck on your next adventures and remember, ADVENTURE IS OUT THERE! Remember the times we had and smile because they couldn’t have gotten any better! Nasdrave, my friends to one hell of a semester. We did it right.

(Not so) Finally Finals

It's finals week. The week we all dread yet all love because it's the means to the end. After 15 weeks of classes, it all comes down to the last test, paper, or project to be completed before you are free for the glories of summer.  The weather is a siren, tempting you away from books and laptops to blankets on the grass and ice cream strolls. Instead though, you look out the window, hating yourself for studying instead of enjoying the goodness that Mother Nature has finally graced you with.  But this finals week is a little different, more bittersweet than the ones I've experienced in the past. It's my last week as an exchange student. And it's my last week with these people.

It makes me sad and if my friends knew I was writing this they would not be happy with me. We all live in denial at the moment, ignoring the fact that by the end of the week we will have to say see-you-laters (goodbyes have such a finality to them) and give last hugs before departing our separate ways. It looms above us, threatening to rain on our parade and yet, we have pulled out our umbrellas and wait for the downpour that will eventually, or very shortly, ensue. But I like rain. And I like playing in the rain and watching its beauty as the drops hit and make everything sparkly. There's a refreshing sense to the feeling of rain. 

So this is how I choose to look on this last week here in Blago (I decided this as I was writing this sentence).  We are going to give these last three days hell as we celebrate and enjoy our last days together. And as we part ways on Saturday I will look back, probably with glassy eyes and tear streaked cheeks, at all the things I learned and experienced and saw. But most of all, I will remember the fantastic times I spent with some really amazing friends (who I will love forever) and I will smile, because I am better for knowing them and blessed to have had them as companions through this journey here in Bulgaria. 

And the countdown continues... 

(more sap to come later)

Turks, Tea, and Tulips

My latest and greatest adventure, and sadly the last big trip of the semester, was a weekend jaunt to Istanbul, Turkey. There was a lot of hype leading up to the trip because some friends had gone the weekend before and the city did not fail. 

Gorgeous. Breathtaking. Incredible. Peaceful, even. How a city of 17 million people can be peaceful is beyond me, yet Istanbul achieved it. We only had three days in Istanbul so we made the most of it, staying in the city center called Sultanahmet. It was the hub of all young life, tourist sites, and hidden treasures. After living in Bulgaria where most things are different, I didn't think it would be too much of a shock going to the Middle East, especially considering I'm going to spend six weeks there with my aunt and uncle. It is unlike anything I've ever experienced. It was busy and quiet and a little overwhelming with all the men trying to stop me to sell me something or get me to come into their restaurant. It was mainly Keegan and I and we were not short on taking compliments. Everywhere we turned someone was there with a smile and a flattering remark. It was the hair. I'm telling you. See for yourself:

This is pre-windswept, according to Keegs

So here is my take on 5 things you should hit while on vaca in Istanbul. 

1.  Boat tour of the Bosphorus- my favorite part of the trip hands down. Especially when the weather is just fantastic, you can't help but enjoy the rocking boat, the blaring Turkish music (it really did help make the ride, trust me), and the amazing landscape laid out before you. This really gives you a perspective on how big and unique Istanbul really is.

2.  Galata Tower Cafe- undiscovered by most tourists (except now I guess, but I'm not too worried), it is found in Tacsim and very close to the actual Galata Tower, but with the same view (I'm all about the views in Istanbul), enjoy some apple tea and take in the breathtaking picture of both the European and Asian sides of Istanbul. On your way there, eat a fish sandwich from a rocking boat restaurant and enjoy the ever expanding view of the city as you cross the Galata Bridge.

3. Blue Mosque- seriously amazing piece of architecture and place of religious worship. Beautiful on the inside, they do close it for prayer in the middle of the day, but it is totally worth going back to see later to just sit and enjoy the intricate painting/script; you have to wear a headscarf if you're a woman and take off your shoes. I do look pretty stylish if I do say so myself. It's a great place to appreciate the religious history of the city itself (also the Hagia Sophia) and to have a quiet moment with God. Inspiring.

4.  Grand Bazaar- it's a great experience, at least once, to be hit on and is completely overwhelming for someone who doesn't shop a lot (aka me), but it was fun to look at all the evil eyes and gold jewelry and scarves.  And, because most shop owners think you're pretty, they'll give you a discount- it worked for me! 

5. Walk everywhere. Keegs and I did a ton of walking every day and it was great because we saw the tourist-y stuff that was near our hostel, the coast, Aksaray, and the non-tourist streets around these areas. It was really great to see how normal Turks live in a massive city and to get to experience places that most visitors don't venture to see. Just walk and explore- that is what traveling is all about right? Turn down a random side street and see where that'll lead you!

Other tidbits: Tea- Drink it. Period. Don't ask questions. If you don't like tea start to because you'll want to drink it while you're here. Especially the apple tea; even if it costs a few lira more, get it. It'll be worth it, most of the time. Get pides. It's reminiscent of an open calzone, but better.  Turkish delight and baklava are house specialties and quite delish and the great thing is you can find them anywhere.

It was the Tulip Festival while we were there so the city was littered with gorgeously vibrant flowers in celebration of the tulip. It's all month long and it adds a small town feel to this monstrous metropolitan. Imagine these, in different colors spotting Istanbul. Absolutely amazing. 

As the semester winds down, Istanbul was a great last traveling hoorah as I buckle down to finish essays and readings for class and start to study for finals. Nasdrave to the next two weeks, it's going to be a crazy, amazing ride. But I'll leave you with one last picture to tide you till next time. 

Lights, Camera, Hunger Games!

I'm kind of a movie snob and while that may not be my most redeeming quality I can't help it and here's why. My stepmom worked for AMC for a while and one of the perks was getting to see free movies. Yeah. Any, and all, within certain stipulations. I'm not going lie, in the last two years I've seen around 80 movies in the theatres. Now some of you would see this as a major waste of life but no, no it was not. It was wonderful.

I like to go to movies by myself. Some people feel bad for me and ask why? I don't try asking around and I love going whenever I want to see whatever I want. AMC has become like a third home (behind my legitimate home, Truman State, and AMC is tied with Barnes and Noble) and it's really bad when they know you and ask how you're week has been. I like to snack on Swedish Fish or Raisinets (seriously the best movie junk ever) and when I go with my parents I like to eat my Dad's cinnamon sugar popcorn. Try it, don't deny it. I always pick the seats-two or three rows up and I sit right in the middle. That is the best view of the screen, no contest. I prefer when people don't sit in front of me because then I can put my feet up on the seat in front of me, but I'm not going to get all dramatic if it doesn't work out. I can't miss the previews. That is one of the best parts of the entire movie experience because it gives you reasons to go back, and I want to go back. I'm not a big fan of people who talk during movies or are on their cell phones. Why did you come to a movie when you wanted to be social. You go with people you want to talk to before and after the movie. (Most of these are in optimal viewing situations.)

The Hunger Games. Fantastic. If you haven't read them go and buy them immediately. These books got my roommate Anna to read something fiction- she hates fiction. It is one of the hopeless battles I have with her and I will win eventually, but regardless, she loved them! They are super easy to read and it is endearing to see Katniss volunteer for Prim and then duke it out for her life. She seems tough and yet, she is very vulnerable, proving she's human and not just some robot yielding to the Capitol and to President Snow. This could lead to a very long post though so I will stop here.

Anyway, they had a midnight premiere...in Blago. Seriously?! I was flabbergasted. And ecstatic! We went to check earlier in the week and much to our surprise (Sabine and Keegan were with me) it was playing at 00:30 (military/European time still takes some time adjusting to)! Oh man! We high-fived and yes, we were out in public and it was a very exciting moment. And then the guys behind us were laughing and pointing, but hey I didn't care. I had been talking about this movie for the past 6 months. I was stoked to see it and it was in tiny town Blago! I was jittery the entire day. Class was a waste because how can you think about anything else when Hunger Games is on your mind? I don't really know either.

So as I walked out of the theatre and into the chilly Bulgaria night air at 3:00 in the morning, I was content. My friends had put up with me for so long about this and Sabine and Mary even read the book before the movie and that made my heart full. What a sacrifice for them, right?! But not only was I content, I was awake. Literally. It felt like 14:00 and I was ready to rumble. And though I had class the next morning I couldn't go to sleep so to celebrate the Games we went to Piano Bar, where it was practically empty, and we danced. And had a really really really good time. And I got back around 4:30 and went to bed only to wake up the next morning at 9:00 to edit through a paper and go to class. Oh the college life. May the odds be ever in my favor!

Barriers and Будьмо

Can you feel it? That hum? That pulse? It runs not in your veins but in the streets, through neighborhoods and shops, into people as they go about their daily lives. As they walk briskly to work or stroll the City Center during rush hour. And as I sat in the underground mall or walked the streets of Kiev, Ukraine, and watched people go about their lives I realized this is normal. For them. Yet for me, it's one grand adventure- of seeing a new place and experiencing a new culture, a new language. And to think that people walk by St. Sophia's Cathedral or Independence Square every day and don't really see it is incredible. Every city has a heartbeat, and I was lucky enough to feel Kiev's.

In our society today do we take the time to stop and truly listen or see or feel something? I would say no. We are rushing constantly trying to make appointments and lunches and we let the little things slip past us as we "live life". Going to Ukraine and living in Bulgaria for two months, I have come to the realization that we take many things for granted and we don't even acknowledge it. We get hung up on when homework is due or what we should do over the summer or how we are going to make money for next semester. All are valid things, but did you notice the gorgeous mountains with snowy caps set to a clear blue backdrop? Did you take the time to see how your friend is doing or eat lunch slowly and really taste the food you are eating?

Ukraine was a wonderful experience. I set off last Friday with two amazing friends- Mary and Sabine- full of adrenaline and excitement as we left Blago to set our scene in Kiev and L'viv for a week. We saw so much and walked even more (we literally walked the entire city, at least that is how it felt anyway), but of course what would an adventure be without its barriers. Keeps things interesting, right? That's what I think too.  Language would be the biggest and most foreseeable thing, of course, and every other obstacle we had stemmed from the fact that we couldn't speak the language. Being in a Bulgarian language class really helped in knowing the Cyrillic Alphabet, yet even then there were little differences. Example: Ukrainians use the "И" and "ї" for the same sound. So some words would you the first, some the second. In Kiev you would use Russian and in L'viv you used Ukrainian. It's little things like that. 

This is one of the smoothest trips I've ever been on. Mary, the courageous one who asked people for help, Sabine, the decision-maker, and I, the navigator (for those of you who know me, what were those two thinking, right?!), we made the perfect traveling team. There was cohesion and we talked things out instead of getting heated with one another, and we approached things with a positive attitude. How I could get so lucky to have these two ladies was mindblowing really. And they are just a blast to be with. We had this thing throughout the week, one of my favorite parts, where when we had just done something really awesome or a situation that could have gone really badly turned out fantastically, we would group hug. Right there wherever we were. That's right, in the middle of Kiev, crowded streets and all.

One of the coolest things we saw was the Chernobyl Museum. It is about the nuclear plant outside of Kiev that in 1986 blew up because of high radiation levels. It devastated people's lives, killed many, and forever altered Ukraine. And yet, when did we learn about it? Never. I hadn't heard of it and we aren't taught it in school, at least not in the U.S. It was amazing to see these people and the aid they received and what they had to go through and to know that it was mostly covered up at the time is astounding. To think that there is stuff that happens that is never revealed to the public is kind of scary. To think that people have the power to alter history and we (the public) never really knew what happened- wow. The world is all about striving to gain power in any way possible and once they have it they will do anything to keep it...think about that for a minute.

On a happier note, the food and beer was really good. Ukrainians know their light beer and sausage. We had some amazing meals and those are some of the times I will remember the most. The good company, the easy conversation that flowed between us, the delectable food placed before us. If you are ever in L'viv, go to Kumpel- a brewery with in-house beer and homemade sausage- and Bunker- set in a 1940s bunker from WWII it has great food and a lively atmosphere. Get the half meter sausage. So yummy.

After being in Bulgaria and going out with many different nationalities, we have a new cheers to add to the list. Nasdrave for Bulgaria, Prost for the Dutch, ¡Salud for the Spaniards, Lechaim just because, and now Budmo for Ukraine. So despite all the obstacles we faced throughout the trip (which were few in number) at the end of each day there was always a drink and a cheers waiting for us in order to celebrate. To celebrate life and new friends and a new city and a new perspective on the life that God gave me. And now settled back into life in Blago, with a new appreciation for the surrogate home I have made here, I raise a glass to you, to living life and risking what you know to gain even more than you expected to receive.

Будьмо!

MASH and other assorted candies

I wish I could go back to the days of Looney Tunes valentines and suckers and class parties in second grade. I wish I could go back to the days when it wasn't about love and whether you were single or in a relationship. I wish I could go back to the days when your parents were your valentine (thanks for being mine, Dad and Nikki). 

Yes, I know that it's a few days late, but I feel that it should be said. Valentine's Day is consumerism at its finest. Hallmark makes millions on the "holiday" that people either loath or love.  But really, there is nothing special about Valentine's that couldn't be celebrated any other day.  Men buy their ladies gifts and flowers and chocolate and take them on a usually expensive date while the single people have pity parties proclaiming they don't have someone special. 

I want to get back to the point where Valentine's Day is having a good time and celebrating life, whether you are married, dating, or single. Love is everywhere.  Everywhere. All you have to do is look close enough and realize it's not about getting chocolate and feeling lovey-dovey or depressed, it's about viewing this crazy life through the small window God gave us. And that is something to rejoice over. We all have valentines. And we are all loved. It's about moving past the physical love of this world and really looking for the heavenly love that we all have shining on us. 

I want to go back to the days of MASH. To the days of being silly and completely myself. And yet, I am back to those days; I never really left them. I have found them here, and at home, people that I can be myself with- in the craziest of times and in the most serious. And that is an incredible thing. I spent Valentine's opening a package from my parents, playing MASH to predict our futures, and going out to a wonderful dinner with my girls, and it was glorious in its simplicity. I was glowing with happiness. That is what Valentine's is all about: being with people you care about and just enjoying the fact that you get to live in a day utterly overflowing with love. It's something that I've realized recently. So don't sulk because there is no one romantic in your life; instead, feel grateful that we get to praise the greatest love everyday. I have been blessed with great friends wherever I go and to know that they care as much about me as I do about them. Now that is truly something to celebrate. 

Happiness...

Happiness. 

To feel or show pleasure or contentment. 

How is it that I can be happy from so many things? Like this morning, my 5-year-old self was jumping and yelling about the maybe half inch of snow we had gotten. Or the other night when Miranda and Elizabeth and I were just sitting in my room talking about God and life and talking in funny voices, and everything said was just hilarious. Or listening to Christmas music with snow on the ground and flurries blowing everywhere. Or when Anna and I joke about stuff, which is all the time. Or Jac doing her crazy face and having conversations in a British accent. Or maybe drinking peppermint mocha and soaking in the cold weather and warming your soul to the little things God has provided. Or thinking about the crazy opportunity I have in going to Bulgaria... like really, who gets to do that? So cool. Or reminiscing about childhood memories of no worries, play time, and baking cookies with Grammie. Or maybe it's bundling in scarves and hats and gloves and walking in the winter wonderland. Or sitting around making Christmas cards. Or eating oatmeal or German chocolate...yum! Or watching She's Out of My League and laughing so hard because even though you know what the next line is, you still find it absolutely hilarious. Or napping (which I don't do nearly often enough). 

This is Happiness people. This is pleasure and contentment.

What are you happy about?