A Whole New World

I'm sitting at my desk...in my room...at home. It's strange. Not just for the fact that my parents did a stellar remodel job to make it look 22 instead of 16, but also that I am in my room...at home. Considering I've been a nomad for the last two and a half months, having a fluffy bed and my computer back are all wonderful and hilariously foreign. This summer was a beautiful journey of limited communication and minimal living; now I'm tasked with the job of cleaning out my closet of unwanted, or more like unneeded, clothes, getting ready for AmeriCorps to start on Tuesday, and plain and simply getting back into a real world routine.

Don't get me wrong, I'm stoked to be starting the next adventure with Habitat. I get to do something I enjoy and really care about every day and so in that, there is something to look forward to. It'll also be hard to wear underwear (with biking shorts you don't), to not have three pockets on my back that I can shove anything in to, to not eat everything I want because I won't be biking 80 miles a day, but mostly it'll be hard to not be surrounded by 32 hilariously witty people 24/7.

The closest thing Bike and Build is akin to is studying abroad, for me anyway, where you get to know people really quickly because the circumstances require it. Yet even so, this was unlike anything I've ever done. My teammates got to know me in ways that even my closest friends haven't experienced, and trust me, we've been through a lot. ME2SB14 lived, ate, biked, and built together all summer and the hard hitting questions were asked very early into the trip (like road trip quick, aka before we even got to Maine) and they saw parts of me that I would have normally never shown anyone, and it was okay because I trusted them and knew they wouldn't judge me at the end of the day, even if I did get gut-busting laughs for it. Plus, we were all going through similar situations down there, if you know what I mean, so it was a relatable issue for all of us.

I am lucky. To have this adventure. To meet the people I met along the way: strangers, hosts, old friends, new friends. To have been a part of a team that cared so deeply about one another. To do something I loved while helping people. To learn about a cause that is in dire need of attention and support. To experience a problem I don't have to deal with every day because of where I was born and the opportunities I've had. To know that even though I set out to help change the lives of others, the life I know that changed the most was my own.

So yeah, I'm a little sad. And that's okay. Because I know too that this family I made over the summer, it won't be the last time I see them. And while the difficulties of acclimating back into daily life in Kansas City will be brutal, I know I will slowly get back into the swing of things and life will go on. That doesn't mean I won't talk about Bike and Build all the time or wish I could be on my bike, but I'm going to try to emulate things the trip taught me, like taking risks and slowing down to actually experience things and taking the time to hear people's stories. 

To my team, you were the best companions a girl could ask for (in Katie Lee vernacular, you're straight fire) and I'm glad you're all as crazy as I am. I love you and I miss you and I'm going to visit. To those on the outside who supported me with care packages and words of encouragement, thank you. It got me through the tough days and reminded me of why I was doing the trip in the first place. And to Bike and Build, this opportunity is like no other and words are inadequate to describe how it helped to open my perspective and see our country in a new light. 

We live in a beautiful place people, so let's appreciate her for all she's worth. And with the parts that are not so good, let's join together to make her whole again. Because only we have the power to do so. 

If I Had To, I Would Do It Again

At this moment, I wish everything would stop. Do you ever wish that? That things would come to a standstill and you could have time to process all that is happening to you? All the changes within you, all the changes around you, all the changes involving you? I do.

Disclaimer: this is a jumbled mess and probably isn't easily followable. So read on and bear with me; hopefully I got across the big points of what has been on my heart lately. 

I've been in Beirut for a month now and with only two weeks left, and only a month before I'm back home in the States, I am starting to feel every emotion. There is contentment, happiness, joy, loss, grief, reflection, longing, passion, love. Plus much more that I cannot even put into words; they sometimes jumble together, making them incoherent hybrids that make my heart contract and my mind fuzzy. All of this will lead to good in the end. I know it will, I just have to sort through all that has been going on inside me lately, which is not necessarily an easy task, ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you. But you probably know that as well.

At my internship I am working primarily on the subject of education and technology. Separate and together, and what I find interesting, and it's a wonder why I never fully realized it before, is how fast the world is moving when it comes to using technology. As much as I loved living in Bulgaria, it sometimes felt like I was living 20 years ago, hence my lack of technological know-how (that and I'm not as tech savvy as others). Either way, it's amazing. There are apps for every little thing and iPads are now being used in classrooms and people are discussing how other technological functions are going to be implemented in the near future. And there are debates about what is right for the budget of spending on technology for schools and is using technology in the learning process a helpful, stimulating tool or is it a distracting thing that detracts from their work. Honestly, I don't know. I understand that we are in the time of Facebook and Apple, where everyone has a smartphone and you are out of date if you don't have one. When did the distinction between a cell phone and a smart phone come around? Call me old fashioned but good lord. Yes, we have the entire world at our fingertips, but do we have to use that privilege all the time, 24/7? And yes, I think it's a privilege. After a few months without a cell phone and spotty internet, you come to see it as a privilege. At least I do.

So with my head whirling from all the technology that I am surrounded by all day every day, I can only look back and remember when I was little and cell phones were big blocks of gray and black with super long antennas. I look back to when I played tag outside and I roller bladed around my neighborhood and jumped on the trampoline, seeing who could be the one to go highest. I remember playing in my grandparents' hay barn on The Farm, climbing and making up games with my brother and cousin. And as time kept ticking, it brought me to volleyball tournaments with crazy warm-up routines (you would think we were a pretty strange bunch if you saw us, but hey, it was a special thing between us). It brought me to driving and trying (and failing miserably) to parallel park. It brought me wonderful friends who I still learn from. And then time wore on, and took me by the hand and gave me college and beautiful friends who have touched my life in unimaginable ways. It lead me to my faith. It led me to study abroad.

Which gets me back to my original thought a long paragraph later. Sorry. I love technology. I do. I see all the benefits and the good advancements that are happening because of what it can do. I wouldn't be blogging and publishing my thoughts if there wasn't the Internet or Macbooks (I am an Apple person- commence the PC v. Macbook debate). I wouldn't have been able to share my photos of all my adventures this past year if there wasn't Facebook. I appreciate what technology can give to society, but I also see what it takes away from society. Little kids are more interested in playing racing car games than climbing trees and playing on their iPods instead of getting their knees dirty. It was great living without a cell phone in Blagoevgrad. It was freeing. But when I go home I'll be surrounded by people only on their smart phones. I won't be joining you friends. Where is the human contact? Where is the face to face conversations?

I want everything to stop. Have you ever seen Clockstopper? It was a pretty awful movie to be honest, but it was about this guy who had a watch who could stop time and rearrange situations. Now I don't wish to rearrange situations, but I do wish I could stop time, to have more time with the amazing friends I made in the Bulgs, to have more time to spend with my family here in the Lebs, and to have the ability- the freeness- to travel more and elongate my time abroad. I want to keep going to Piano Bar and eating banitsa, I want more conversations to get to know people better. I want to spend time with people I didn't spend near enough time with while in Blago.

My cousins' school had a festival called Vintage and I went with their cousin Soha. And she was so nice and accommodating and she let me hang out with her and her friends for the night. And as I was meeting these sweet girls, it reminded me of my friends and the great times we had together and for the night, I became an honorary alpha (they call themselves the alphas, which I love). It was a small gesture, but it was one that touched my heart. It's these little moments that I wish I could stop time in, the three hour conversations with my aunt, sitting outside on a blanket having a picnic outside Skapto 2 with people dropping by as they pass to the Balkanski Center. It's about how the little moments are strung together to make the bigger impact. That's all that really matters in the end. At least to me.

Sangria, Sofia, and some life lessons

It's raining here in Blagoevgrad and it seems that the weather has turned to nastiness. It snowed over the weekend while I was in Sofia, which I'll get to in a second. One of the main points of studying abroad is to meet people and make connections all over the world. Which definitely does happen and that is what set the stage for the sangria party I went to, put on by some of the Spaniards here; they are super nice and definitely know how to party and definitely know how to make good, strong sangria. So drinking starts about 9-10 here in preparation for going out around midnight. The party was really great and I mingled and had a drink or two, got tipsy so slowed down on the drinking even though it was quite tasty. But it was nice to meet new people and be a little crazy with friends that I already knew that were there. Let's just say that a conversation did happen in a British and Indian (not Native American) accent; and yes, I was sober, I just think it's fun to talk like this and for the people who know me they will back me up on this.

I don't drink ever at home so when I had a friend get a little to friendly with the sangria and had to help them home, it was definitely a new experience. They, like me, don't drink a lot and so I learned quite a bit from Keegan, who is in a sorority back home and for sure knows what she is doing when it comes to the protocol of taking a friend home. It was good so if you ever need me when we get home, I will be equipped with my new mastery of the art of designated walking and home care. So life lesson number one is a handy thing to have in my pocket in case the situation ever arises again. But just don't get that far people, it's not cool and you aren't fun and it kills the mood for everyone else. Drink to be social, not to get drunk. That is one thing about here, people know how to hold their liquor because they have been drinking for so much longer than us in the States...maybe we should take note America?

I also went to Sofia with a group of girls that I've been hanging out with. We left on a snowy morning and arrived in Sofia around noon and then that is where some of the problems started. We had 7 people so that was problem number one. We had booked the Art Hostel, which is really cool so if you ever want to visit Sofia and are looking for hostels check this one out (it comes with a bar and breakfast is included), we just needed to get there, which leads to problem number 2. Too many people were trying to figure out how to find the hostel and I was just like whatever floats the boat people, I'll follow on this one. So we eventually found it and checked in to our room and please people, book before you go. It just makes things that much easier. Spontaneity is wonderful, but have some of the logistics worked out.

                                             bar downstairs

                                                       the beds...and my awesome friends

We went to this Moroccan restaurant a block over and it was delicious! Eat like the Moroccans do because it was so good. Especially the tea. Even if you don't like tea, you would like this tea.

So that was good and having full bellies for 7 girls is a very smart move. Then, shopping. If you know me, they will all tell you my attention span for shopping is about 2 seconds before I get bored so trying to find the mall was a hassle, to be honest. So, if you want to see something specific, find directions beforehand; either do it yourself or ask your hostel about it. That was problem number three. So after no luck trying to find a taxi I suggested changing the plans and staying in the neighborhood to shop, which turned out great. Zara was close so we went there and because there were 7 people, we split and did our own thing for the afternoon which worked out wonderfully. If need be, split up, that way people can do what they want instead of targeting certain people and the others having a crappy time because they are pouting about not doing what they want. Solution.

My friend Mary is Catholic and Sofia happens to be one of the only places that has a Catholic church, and though I'm not Catholic I did need some quiet time and gladly went to mass; it was a really nice excuse to get away from the "real world" and just sit and pray and slow down from the two weeks of being here. It was refreshing and calming and just completely what I needed to refocus on what I was doing and why I am here and how I am treating and acting around people. It was a nice slap of reality, something that has been hard to come by here because everything has been distorted, especially time. A thing about study abroad, time drags and moves really quickly all at the same time. You are stuck in time, which you always are, it just seems more noticeable here rather than back home. So keep that in mind too.

The weekend ended well except I am just tired of bad Internet. Sometimes being cut off from the things that you thought you needed are really just an excuse that keeps you from other really amazing things. But it was good catch up with some friends I hadn't talked to in a while, but at the same time I hate that Facebook is the only real way of communicating with people. Oh, the things our society has come to. But that is life, and I keep learning something new every day, which is the point, right? Because why then would I be half way across the world if I could just discover all this stuff at home? So get out and explore, even if it's just your backyard, because chances are you will find something totally new and unexpected, either about yourself or your surroundings or your friends, and those are the things really worth living for. Study abroad, experience all that God put out there for us to see, and then be amazed at the fact that He put this all here for us. Love.

Is it REALLY Christmas?

I love Christmas! It's my favorite time of the year, with snow (only it was not a white Christmas-what a bust) and non-stop holiday music, but the greatest thing about this season is the atmosphere. There is just something about it that makes me glow with happiness and I'm generally a happy person, but what is really cool is everyone else is really happy too. People pull together and there is a tangible camaraderie among everyone.  Who doesn't love seeing or feeling this? It's the tradition and fresh pine trees and baked goodies that you can't stop eating and family and Santa and stockings and sledding and warm fires and hot cocoa and bundling. Oh gosh, I'm just excited talking about it! 

Anyway, I reaped the mother load this year. I got a ton of stuff for my upcoming excursion to Bulgaria-a new travel backpack (!!!), a cocoon travel sheet, an inflatable pillow, a towel, a pack cover- and other things like a beautiful sweater that is super trendy (if you know my stepmom that explains a lot), Harry Potter parts 1 and 2, boots, wool socks, a bookmark (only a true bookworm would get excited about that), chocolates, a pencil case (also very excited about that), and a tea steeping mug which is awesome (my roomie would love this!). It was a crazy good Christmas with the presents and all. But that is not what made it great.

I have been home for a little over a week and I have had this time to spend with family and friends, like really good, quality time with the people who matter most. It started out with a book burning party for Jory's Spanish book, which I couldn't believe we actually did (we made s'mores from the fire). And then Ali B. (weird), Jory, and Shelby B. and I just sat around the table and talked for like a solid two hours about life and school and just random stuff. Then the next day I had the wonderful task of introducing them to AMC Mainstreet.  (Sidenote: If you haven't been, go. What are you waiting for? Jump in the car and drive now, but check time first and if you're under 21 make sure it's not Cinema Suites. It is the coolest theatre you'll ever go to. Especially the bathrooms and it may sound strange but for the people who have been there, you know what I'm talking about! So go, you'll be a new person walking out.[that might be a bit dramatic but still...])  Anyway, it was just really good to catch up with some really awesome friends I hadn't seen all semester.

Then I got to spend a day with Molley C. and that was so great. Just the fact that we've stayed good friends this long is amazing and a blessing. I then spent basically two whole days stamping cards; that's right people, I'm a stamper and I'm proud of it!  I would make my Aunt Sal proud.  I got to pick up my crazy brother from the airport and drove him home for the first time in a year. So nice to have him home, even if he is a butt sometimes. That night my friend Abbey was nice enough to invite me over and I got to hang out with her family and with Morgan and Molley S. and I caught up on their lives and the happenings of Platte City which I'm never up to date on.  Then a 7 hour trip to SD and here I am.  It's tradition and a wonderful transportation into the bliss of good food and even better company. 

I guess what I've learned over the past week and a few days is that it doesn't matter what I was doing or what I got as presents, it was who I was doing this stuff with or for. I have been more aware of what I truly have- good friends that are funny and honest and completely great in all their shenanigans, good family who is generous and loving and filled with laughter and stories, and good memories of times of sitting around the table talking or playing Taboo with my competitive family or getting to see 4 movies in 5 days. 

Because of the short time I have at home with them, it just makes all this time all that much sweeter- especially since my Uncle Steve is in the hospital and in critical condition, but he is stable right now thank God- and it has really made me think about what I have in front of me and the opportunity to seize it.  This spurs me to spend more time with them, trying to soak up all the familiarity that won't be there in two weeks. It's going to be a long, wonderful, beautifully difficult and rewarding road, these next six months, but i know with the family and friends and the God I have, there is no way I couldn't make it through. I am so thankful for what God gave me in community and why he would do that is beyond me but I'm not one to question the Big Man. I am just now learning what it means to TRULY appreciate what it means to have good encouragement...and it's not something I want to take for granted anymore. So in this time before New Year's, really evaluate what you have and be thankful. All else will fade and this will be the stuff left standing. 

You melt my heart, you really do. 

 Kelsey 

PS...I don't think this was much shorter than my other posts; sorry. But maybe not!